compLicated

I think u got the wrong idea, ace.

2009-11-06T23:45:00.006+08:00

hey, u got it wrong. what game?? i dint bring u to any game?...

who do u mean, "eu both knw each other" ?? u mean lilah is it?..

if thats the case, Nope, i don't know her..

i juz happened to read her blog after going to urs. thats all.

anyway, its for a good cause that i wanna contact back with u..

there's no other intention.. i offer peace, not war.. hope u understand what i mean.

and btw, just like u have ur own gerl, i have my own guy.. so we're fair. i dont mean anything aitez..was just hoping to become a friend. lol. that is if u dont mind. i couldn't care less even if u dont want to be friends wit this lady here.. (we both know what happened before this) Lol. kiddin. but anyways, am looking forward to hearing from u........

As a FRIEND that i remember........

2009-11-02T16:02:00.003+08:00

<<<>>>>

I guess ure done with ur life. u've at last found it. complete her life. complete UR life. im happy for u two too. don't want u to be sad. coz i still treat u as a fren. im over u, don't worry. i juz pity lilah nw. it feels as if, she went through the same thing as what i did. know what im thinking? i think u should lower down ur ego..., and go talk to her.. hoping that she'll be okay..

shall i say something? i want to be ur friend. just like any normal friends do.. talk only once in a while., go out once in a while.. it wouldn't hurt rite? not alone of course. hmm, we both can bring our own 'spouse'.... u know how to contact me im sure. =) hope to hear from u soon.

YOU read this!

2009-07-28T17:38:00.005+08:00

ure not forgiven!
ure neither my friend.., nor my worst nightmare..

and so now i know that of what importance i hold in ur heart..
so now i know why ure behaving this way..
so now i know how u couldnt take ur mind off her...

my questions before this are answered.
but new ones came up.

just why must u give hopes to those innocent ones??
.....includin' me............... ????? =(

i can see that u've created a blog of ur own now huh?
gd....then u shall see mine too.
i keep going back to ur blog, and RIGHT NOW,
i can see that u have deleted 'that' post away..
errrgghh...... i cant help but to stay cool.

just what have i done, for u to make me feel this way??
do u know that by, YOU doing this to me,
im actually doing the same thing to other guyz???!
i hate it! i just hate it!

"i admit, i flirt around" ~ was said by u in ur blog

i am sure.., there are many more gerlz....that would become like me too..
because of u.
i know of at least 1 person that's FOURTEEN for god sake!

why do u have to prey on those innocent ones??

u know what?
im seriously trying to forget about u.
i really do.
now that i think back,
i realised that u just have the charismatic attitude..
gerlz just happen to fall for it.
AND YOU PURPOSELY MAKE IT THAT WAY..

u relent it.
u took advantage of it.
u let them be obsessed with u.
& u like it.
and ure doing NOTHING about it.

"im a man of my words"~said by u in ur blog.

and fyi, u proved me wrong. u may have said that u are,
but do u recall how u have had broken 2 promises made?
u may have not remember it, but i do.
do not want to talk about it here....haizz...

one more thing, about my message to u the other time,
u got it partly right.
what i meant was,
do not continue ur atrocious behaviour
Stop preying on young gerlz..or even boyz
my hidden message was,
Stop making other people fall for u
"what goes around, comes around"
remember that words?
please etch it in ur mind.
that fourteen year old gerl, she just reminds me of me.
she said the exact same words i said to u..
i pity her...for having to have met u.

let me tell u something....

for ur heartbroken lover

nothing will come out of it if ure doin nothing

just do something better if u want better things to happen between u two.

FOR ONCE MAN, DO SOMETHING RIGHT, will u??

and for ur STUPID latest post as of now,

suicide isn't the way out...

whats the use of it?

NOTHING WILL COME OUT OF IT

i repeat,

NOTHING!

okay??

LIFE GOES ON!

fine, now i can accept that u no longer are in my life.

i will cast you away from my heart, one day.....

Words of Mouth......

2009-06-04T16:20:00.003+08:00

words of mouth......

what do i mean by that??...

i think generally people know what i mean...

the tree wont sway if there's no wind

are u really the person of what i've heard of?

are u really the person that just wanna toy feelings around??

i wanna know....cause

i see no point cryin over an attitude of a playboy

!!I DONT WANT U TO BE 1!!

why did u change ur direction in such a SHORT while?

i asked u before...and i wanna ask again..

??WHAT'S UR TRUE FEELING TOWARDS ME??

?what do u treat me as?

i realized, i realized that i make myself hate u.

but..but i cant bring myself to do that fully.

i really want to hate u.....i want to know ur bad points..

so that i cant eventually forget totally about u..

do u EVER know that, when the other time when u contact me back..,

i just wanted to treat us as F.R.I.E.N.D.S ??

i really do.....

cause by being friends, i can still AT LEAST know how u are.

i wanna know if ure ok..

wanna know if ure NOT being beaten up..

EVEN, if ure still alive.......

sad thing to say.., but im being serious.

!!!! I HATE JERKS !!!!

2009-05-27T00:58:00.004+08:00

why do u contact me back?, just as when im forgettin u??

why must u see me?, just to LEAVE me??

why all the LIES?? why the pretences??!

STOP!! Stop all this nonsense!!

Ure the one who made me fell for u..

Ure the one who stole my heart.

but Ure also the one who made me HATE guyz now!!

Ure the one person that reasoned to it.

I HATE GUYZ I HATE GUYZ I HATE GUYZ!!!

!!!!!I HATE THESE KIND OF GUYZ!!!!!

Guyz are such a JERKS!

!!!!!JERKS JERKS JERKS!!!!!

HATE JERKS HATE JERKS HATE JERKS HATE JERKS

why....??

2009-05-26T15:52:00.002+08:00

why...? why is the world full of nonsense??

who am i to u?? i wanna know!!

am i a puppet to u??

why do u treat me this way??

when u miss me, u meet me..

when after that?? u LEAVE me!!

i hate that!! i'm not your spare tyre!

i'm not the the one whom u can mess around with!

I AM NOT LIKE OTHER NORMAL GERLZ.

i love u for who u are..but u?? ure not!

u treat me like some shirt.

when u wanna wear, u wear. when u don't wanna wear, u put it aside.

i hate it! i hate guyz now!!!!!

is guyz always like this???

ATTACK!! :)

2009-05-23T23:29:00.003+08:00

how am i suppose to say?
i just know i really miss him so much.....

well 1 day after he messaged me, we arranged to meet..
it was friday 22nd.
and i don't have school that day.
of course i do not want to miss the chance to see him..
how can i? hahah. =P

went to changi..for the second time with him..
but i wonder why..why do things go awry?
the last time, i suddenly cried..
then now??

.....

while i'm just restin on him, my heart pumps fast.
it beats increasingly fast. i'm grasping for air.
i tried to breath as much as i could.
i know what's happenin to me..i know what's happenin around me.
but there's only two of us there.
and i just don't have the strength to do anything..not even talking.

at the first few moments, he doesn't know that i got asthma attack.
just as when he realised that i breath so much faster than i usually breath,
he started to call me..

"yana? u? u? yana wake up, don't scare me.

u..wake up u.."

hmm..., i heard u my dear...
i just don't have the strength to tell u that i'm helpless!

for the first time, i see him cried, heard him cried.
and that's also the first time i feel that someone 'outside' actually
care for me.

oh well!, life goes on...
i dint bring inhaler..of which i dint even realise i dint!!
haah..and so i darnk water..

hmm, whenever i got asthma, and i don't bring along,
i would have to darink LOTs of warm water..
but then at that point of time, there's NO plain water..
there's only 3/4 bottle of sprite!
still, i drank it S0o fast.
well at least i drank WATER rite...? lols.

and e story continues....at e other blog ;)

somethin different..

miss u!

2009-05-21T13:19:00.003+08:00

~back to blogging again~

Wow! after such a LO0onNGg time, today, he messaged me again.
I wonder what made him to. Does he miss me? Heheeh.. (What a wishful thinking!)
Well most probably maybe not.
But for sure, I Miss Him So Much! =(

Everyday. Everyday i kept thinking about him.
Sometimes i even dreamt about him.
There were parts in the dream, we were happy together.
We were free. Free from being stress. Nothing stop us form seeing each other.
...How i wish it will come true in life............

end of feb to end of march

2009-04-04T18:32:00.002+08:00

i'm feelin breathless

whenever i think of u

of what u did

of how u treat me so nice, not nice..

i grasp desperately for air

my heart pumps fast

i don't know why

BUT ITS FOR REAL!

11mar

" cyg, sori nvr had some1 hu cared 4 mie dat mch..my kwn bace msg n told mie..ur mine..eu ar eu okie..i dnt care for mieself..eu revive mie "

18mar

" cn we lyk dun msg for a wk? "

alrights, i agreed on it, giving u time to sort it out, think it out, relax yourself.
but i asked myself, did u? did u relax ur mind? have u really think it out straight? i dont think so.
n yeah, i agreed on it, but also based on ur promise to me that u will contact me again at e same timing we parted. 6pm.

" i will i promize eu to death "

26mar

but where's e promise that u made to me? is it 6pm? no. it wasn't. instead, i'm e one who msged u. i'm e one who called u.

1wk. 1wk i kept my misses.
N yet? i hear ur voice like this?
when will i hear again?...,
e voice that's cheerful?...
e voice that wanna makes people happy?..

29mar

we meet again.

i've got soo much to talk to u about..
soo much to discuss.

my heart says a thousand words
but i dont know why
my mouth kept shut.
only tears flowin.

my stomach's grumblin
but dont know why
throat feels like vomittin.....

my eyes feels heavy
but dont know why
its so wide open.....

my body feels tired
but dont know why
i tossed and turned,
here and there.....

31mar

~i end it all. i cant take it any longer.~

heys. n since it seems to me that u dont wanna contact me anymore, then i shall not waste my time..
u have to know im totally sad about this..u even saw me cryin that day..
n juz fyi, that's not e first time i cried for/about u..
not because of ur behaviour..but because im worried for u..
u know how i felt for u..n u should have known that URE r one who made me fell for u..
u said it urself before that time..,
" juz too bad, eu att "
but i dont understand why, now that im not, ur words are different.
sighs. nope, being wit u as friends now, will even make me more hurt, more sad.

goodbye forever!

someday....

2009-04-04T18:22:00.002+08:00

someday u'll cry for me like i've cried for u
someday u'll miss me like i've missed u
someday u'll need me like i needed u
someday u'll love me like i've loved u....

....the other sides of my life....

2009-04-04T18:04:00.000+08:00

....the other sides of my life....

him....

2009-04-04T16:08:00.000+08:00

3 months have passed....
lots of things happened...

e ONE month that i cant forget.....28feb~31mar.....

if our lives could repeat again
how i wish u wouldn't do that to me..
everywhere i go,
i'm always hoping u'd appear somewhere
if a miracle were to happen,
i'd show u my love

every day, every night
these memories could never disappear..
those magical touch u dropped me
those sensation feeling u made me
and even those uneasyness u gave..

u made me worried
for u for ur safety for ur health

how i'd wish u would hold me tight
cub me in warm me out
to never let go

i love u
is all i could do
i miss u
is all i could say

i'll kill her

2009-01-08T17:05:00.000+08:00

so of course, u were suppose to call me tonight
u were suppose to call me tonight
we would have gone to the cinema
we would have slept together,
have a nice breakfast together,
and then a walk in the park, together,
how beatiful it then?
u would have said i love u,
in the cutest place on earth
and i would have dance with the fairies
i would have waited, in a weap or two, but
u never try to reach me, no, u never called me back.
u were dating, that beachball girl
if i find her, i swear, i swear i'll kill her. i'll kill her.
she stole my future, she broke my dreams, i'll kill her.

NEW YEAR

2009-01-06T13:53:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR.. although this is quite a late entry, i still wanna wish that. =)
basically, that's it.. hehee...

well i have been quite busy this few days..and WILL be busy again..
bombarded with school stuffs, work, and family... ~sighs~

alrights, take care! =)

Gemians and Sagittarians

2008-12-12T14:34:00.001+08:00

Geminians.....

In love they are fickle, not intentionally so but because of the basic inconsistency of their emotional nature, which has an amoral aspect to it.

Their is a side to Geminians which can become deeply involved emotionally, and another, hostile to sentimentality, which stands back from a romantic situation, laughing at it and the protagonists in it, including themselves while analyzing it intellectually.

Gemini subjects take nothing seriously. So, in love, in spite of their temporary depth of feeling, for the intensity of involvement lasts only while it is new, they are superficial, light-hearted, cool, flirtatious and unimaginative in the understanding of the pain they may give others.

They like intrigue, the excitement of the chase, but once they have caught the prey, they lose interest and look around for the next creature to pursue.

In less serious situations they make witty, entertaining companions, good acquaintances rather than friends.

Even at their worst they are never dull - there is usually playfulness below the surface, and they can be brilliant conversationalists - but they can also be quarrelsome, prattlers, boasters, liars and cheats.

Sagittarians.....

If their marriages are successful, they will be faithful spouses and indulgent parents; but their innate restlessness will inspire them to use even the most satisfying ménage as a base from which to set out on their travels. They need to fell free and are often faced with the choice of allowing their careers to take over their lives at the expense of the love of their spouse and family. Sagittarian women are the counterparts of their men; even if they have no career to rival their love, they find it difficult to express affection and may run the risk of being thought frigid.

In other personal relationships they are reliable, seldom betraying any trust given to them. They can, however, be impulsively angry and both male and female Sagittarians know how to be outspoken and exactly what expressions will hurt their adversaries most. On the other hand they are magnanimous in forgiving offenses and are responsible when looking after the elderly in the family.

2008-12-10T20:06:00.000+08:00

the bad side of life...

"jauh di mata, dekat di hati..."
know what's the meaning of it?
it actually says, "far from the eyes, close to the heart..."

that's what i'm feeling right now..
1 week have passed since we got together...again.
and 2 days have passed since you went to national service..
i really really miss you badly baby..

our last meeting wasn't much of a good parting..
i really do not wish those things to happen..
it may be OK for you to say that, but i don't feel good..
seriously, i'm sorry. =(
baby, i just want you to know that...

NEVER!

2008-11-26T12:32:00.001+08:00

never say u love me,
when u never do..

never say u do,
when the feelings not there..

never hold my hand,
if you're to let it go..

never touch my heart,
when u don't intend to..

never...never...never.....

BLACK!!

2008-11-18T16:35:00.000+08:00

"when will it ever end....................???" will someone please tell me i'm ok...?

this world is so full of darkness.....

all are dark colours...

BLACK

black is the best word to describe it all...

B, bad? boring? bashful?

L, lacking? lame?

A, abusive?

C, corrupted?

K, ....... K.O. ?????

even the rain seems to be black all of the sudden

its like, lots of BLACK raindrops...

its like, you shed black tears...

even if you were to cry blood,

the colour seems so dark that is looking black

BLACK is the best word to describe the world.....

RIGHT NOW....

???

2008-11-18T16:05:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just don't wish to see this world anymore.....

life just sucks, as the way it is...

can i just have some peace for at least one moment???

is it so difficult to give me that??

can someone answer my questions??

this life is too full of lies..

full of dullness...

there is no colour in this world...

peoples say, 'laughter is the best medicine".....

but, have i heard of those laughter?

just what do i have to do to make myself hear that laughter,

that can bring me to the 'medicine world'?

Take me back from my world!!: yesterday! =)

2008-11-15T17:21:00.000+08:00

Take me back from my world!!: yesterday! =)

am i? am i?

2008-11-14T17:24:00.000+08:00

this is what my classmates wrote.....
(negative side...)
smelly
pervertic
smelly BO problem
OMG horny
armpit smelly
last time smelly
selfish
fashion disaster
too horny
too bitchy
too arrogant
too dominating
dress sense very bad
no self control
very cheapo
talkative
sometimes irritating
too irritating at times
no sense of fashion
waitress indo
too cheapo
....lastly they wrote, no offence kiddish....

and what about the positive side?
fun
fine
helpful
fashionista
eat too much; self centered ~ you think this is +ve??
helpful, nice friend
helpful
friendly
ok ok la
no more smell
sociable
neutral
ok ok
not bad
ok
fine
helpful
ok
....and 1 even wrote, lucky too be alive....????

No one is perfect!

2008-11-12T22:13:00.000+08:00

Nobody is perfect.
Everyone has their own imperfections.
Its just for them to know, and for you to find out.